Holiday Stress & Mental Health Tips

The holidays can bring up so much excitement, joy, love, and gratitude. They are often a time we associate with family, big meals, and tradition. We watch certain movies, see old friends, and get to exchange presents or have a traditional family style meal. There is so much joy and fun that may be felt. 

As a therapist, I am also quite mindful of the other feelings that commonly come with the holiday season. The holiday stress! It's not that you have to experience one or the other - joy vs sorrow, gratitude vs loneliness, ease vs stress. It's just that in addition to those experiences above, you may also experience some other hardships like grief, loneliness, extra stress, anxiety, sadness, or irritability. These are all normal.

Because holidays can be quite loaded with shedding light on complicated relationships or family dynamics, loss of loved ones or relationships, not having someone in your life you want, financial difficulties, or believing you are not where you’d like to be - I want to acknowledge some of the stress and challenges that may be triggered during this time. The flare ups of mental health challenges, regressions, and difficult emotions or experiences that you may have are common. Here are some common ones to be mindful of and tips to get through.

Anxiety, Stress, & Depression

Holiday times can be a bit stressful as noted before. Some examples: seeing family members you haven't seen in a while, anticipate a weird question being asked, the extra money you have to spend and don’t have, an old fling you're afraid you are going to end up seeing, feeling like you are not where you want to be in life, comparisons on social media, or just too much time with complicated loved ones. So, your anxiety or depression may be more present. Social anxiety can get worse, intrusive thoughts, maybe an episode of depression with the weather and temperature changes. These are all very common.

Tip : Make sure you discuss triggers and potential stressors with your therapist and have a self care plan in place set up.

Loneliness

If you are already experiencing any loneliness, the holidays can amplify it. It's easy to go on social media and see everyone's family pics, or their pics with partners. It always looks like everyone's life is better or more fun and that everyone is having the most amazing time. Obviously we know that's not always true, but seeing this stuff can make you feel more lonely. If you are struggling in your relationship or single, the holidays can often make you feel alone in that too (which is not the case). If you are surrounded by loved ones but not feeling so connected to them lately, this can also amplify. Holidays are a time that everyone believes that you should feel the most love, so often you can feel it the least.

Tip: Think of one person who brings you the most safety, comfort, and support. See if you can schedule in time with them or a call at least.

Sadness, Grief, & Loss

The holidays come around each year and will shine a huge light on anyone you may have lost. Because holidays are the time for family and friends to come together, if you have had a death near you, a friendship or relationship break up, a divorce, the loss of a job or money or whatever it may be - you feel it deeply here. You can feel it at any point of time, however particularly the first holiday season without them.

Tip: Allow yourself to feel this grief and sadness, rather than avoid it. And then, is there a way you can honor this person if they have passed? If it’s someone who is alive, can you remind yourself that missing them doesn’t mean they should be in your life?

Complicated Family Dynamics

Family is beautiful and if you are lucky and have a close knit family - it's so nice spending time with them. Family can also be hard! If you have a strained relationship with a parent, a sibling you don't speak to, a family member who pushes your boundaries - this will impact you around the holidays. Often this type of grief that is felt, is the type of grief of mourning what you didn't get or have. If you are spending the time with family and loved ones, if there's tension or opposing political views - that may come up in convo. You may  have family who ask you questions you don't feel like answering. You may have pushy family who ask why you're not married. All can be frustrating!

Tip: Think of one small boundary you must set. Think about what needs to be said and what you can do to follow through on it. Whats the consequence if it’s not respected?

People Pleasing & Trouble With Boundaries

If you are a recovering people pleaser and struggle with boundaries, you may regress. There are extra demands, more time doing things you might feel you should, gifts you're purchasing, extra travel. It’s a lot to juggle and a people pleaser often appeases and meets the needs and expectations of others, instead of their own. So, your trouble with setting holding and maintaining boundaries may get louder and your desire to keep peace by smiling and nodding may show up.

Tip: What is one expectation or demand placed that you must say no to? How do you really feel here? How can you choose yourself and not do things to appease someone else?

Alcohol Use

If you struggle with your relationship with alcohol or are trying to mindfully drink, cut back or be sober - holidays are usually the most triggering time. Even if you don’t struggle with it, odds are you’ll drink more than normal (which will impact your mental health). Especially as celebrations usually include drinking. So, try to bring NA drinks or practice what you will say if you want to say no.

Tip: Remind yourself of your why. Why did you stop or cut back? Theres a reason. Remember the positive outcomes of not drinking or cutting back as well as the negative consequences. Play the tape forward - if you drink today, what will you feel tomorrow? And, what non alcoholic alternative can you have ready for you so the decision doesn’t have to be big?

Body Image & Disordered Eating

Holidays obviously revolve a lot around big meals. Which is wonderful and at the same time can be quite triggering for someone with disordered eating and body image issues. A reminder you don't have to “earn” food, you don't have to track calories or restrict calories to feel good, and you should enjoy the food you want guilt free. There may be more pictures being taken too, so be mindful to watch how you respond and react.

Tip: Can you identify what could be triggering in advanced? Can you have a therapy session ready the day before or after? Cope ahead and make sure to have replacement strategies.

So all of the above are just some examples, everyone experiences the holidays differently. And again, they are also very fun and sentimental. So it doesn’t mean you will experience mental health challenges, it’s just important to know if that tends to happen to you.

Whatever you celebrate, I hope you have a wonderful holiday season.

If you would like to work with me in individual therapy - please schedule a free 15 minute phone consultation here! Include your name, age, location, and a brief line or two on what you are seeking therapy for at this time. You can also email me at alyssakushnerlcsw@gmail.com to ask questions or find other availability for a call.

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