5 Signs It May Be Time To Evaluate Your Relationship With Alcohol
I want to preface, this is about looking at your relationship with alcohol with an honest and authentic lens. This doesn't mean you have to stop drinking for good, but maybe it's time to get real about how often you are drinking, why you are drinking, or that it may be helpful to cut back. This may be information to tell you that a pause for 1-3 months could be useful, or maybe this will help confirm your gut feeling that alcohol isn’t serving you like you thought. Sober-curiosity is a term that describes someone who may be thinking about the possibility about removing alcohol or maybe someone who is just curious to explore their relationship with alcohol.
Here are 5 signs it is worth evaluating your relationship with alcohol:
1. Frequent Black Outs
Blacking out and even browning out is a tale tell sign that you have over consumed, it's a sign your hippocampus is impacted and your short term memory won’t become long term memory from the night. If you often wake up not knowing everything that happened that day, this can be dangerous. If this happens frequently, it may be a sign to slow it down.
2. You “need it” to have fun
I understand we live in a world and society where alcohol is normalized as the thing you need to have fun, to socialize, to celebrate, to enjoy. But a reminder that if you are only having fun because you are drinking, you're not actually having fun. It's kind of numbing out your ability to truly enjoy the event or person anyway. If you were to hang out with a friend and need a few drinks to have a good time, you're not truly connecting with that friend deeply. It may create superficial depth because you share more than you normally would because your prefrontal cortex is impacted, but that happens without actually building the vulnerability first. You're numbing out the thoughts and feelings, with alcohol. And if you were to believe a break would be super boring and you'd never have fun again, maybe it's a sign to slow down and see what life would be without it for a few weeks. Maybe it's a sign to see what is fun to you that doesn't involve drinking. Often we don’t even give ourselves the chance to see what else is out there, because the minute it’s the weekend we spend our time hanging out in bars. Often we forget that there are activities available that would be just as fun, if not more, without alcohol.
3. Moderation is hard
If you typically go into a night with a plan to have 2-3 drinks and then end up having more, first of all you're not alone; it is an addictive substance at its heart. But this may be a sign to slow it down. Some people can call it a night at 1-2 drinks and some people don't have the ability to stop and often drink to black out or until they pass out regularly. Even if you are having 4-5 drinks and you think it's tolerable, that's still a lot and going to impact you. If you spend a ton of time going in with a plan, like making rules to moderate, but find it’s harder to actually discipline yourself, sometimes taking the decision away completely and taking a full pause on alcohol is actually easier. It’s the mental space thinking about saying no and trying to put rules like avoiding liquor or only drinking once a week that become draining and add more stress.
4. It’s your way to cope or relax
Lets face it, most people drink to cope with something or relax at night. To de-stress, to numb anxiety, to calm nerves, to get rid of the problems you're experiencing. All to have to face them again (and worse) tomorrow. If this is your go-to way to cope, it may be helpful to see what facing these difficulties looks like without it and to find other ways to cope. Alcohol can actually make your emotions harder to regulate the next day and decrease your ability to manage stress. It also messes with your quality sleep making you more irritable and exhausted the next day, plus your feelings and problems are still there.
5. Hangovers are the norm
Hangovers can be normalized as just something to deal with if you want to drink, but similarly to blacking out, they are a sign that you have over-consumed. Hangovers are your body’s way of recalibrating. You may feel heightened anxiety, shame, depression, headaches, nausea, fatigue and this is your brain chemistry trying to get back to equilibrium. I think we’ve downplayed how terrible these feel, because they are often expected. The unfortunate part is they become normal and often you forget how good you would feel without them. Feeling sleep deprived and experiencing hangixety becomes your norm, and you forget what life would be like without that feeling on a Sunday morning. Think about how much time that takes away from you, you spend it recovering and just trying to feel okay again. It may be nice to take a break and see what you feel like at a more optimal level of clarity, energy, and a Sunday that you can spend practicing self care.
If you resonate with these and are thinking it’s time to evaluate your relationship with alcohol - that’s okay! Or if you are sober-curious, ask yourself the following questions: What am I getting out of drinking? What are the consequences or negative impacts? Could a break benefit me to learn more?
Again, you don’t have to commit to removing alcohol from your life forever. Start with a week, see what happens. You could decide that you want to drink again in 2 weeks, it doesn’t have to be indefinite. But I will tell you, it will definitely provide you with some good information either way.
If you would like to explore these questions further and evaluate your relationship with alcohol or you are sober curious and not sure where to begin, I’m happy to support you!
Email alyssakushnerlcsw@gmail.com or schedule a free 15 min phone call. Follow my instagram page for more learning, tools, and inspiration.
